Top 99 "50 Shades Of Grey" Quotes Funny

Are you a fan of the “50 Shades of Grey” series? Do you enjoy a good laugh? If you answered yes to both questions, then this article is for you! Below, we’ve compiled a list of the top 99 “50 Shades of Grey” quotes that are sure to make you chuckle. Plus, we’ve included 10 ideas and tips for celebrating your love of these hilarious quotes.

1. “I’m the moth to his flame, and he’s the moth to my bug zapper.”
2. “Inner goddess, meet inner drunk.”
3. “I don’t make love. I make custom sex toys.”
4. “Christian Grey: the only man who can make grey ties sexy.”
5. “I don’t need a safe word, I need a safe country.”
6. “I’m not submissive, I’m just really bad at saying no.”
7. “I want to be the reason you shave your beard.”
8. “If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.”
9. “I’m 50 shades of fucked up, but at least I’m consistent.”
10. “I’m not sure what my safe word is, but I’m pretty sure it’s not ‘banana’.”
11. “I want to ride your helicopter, Christian. And your penis.”
12. “I’m not a romantic, I’m a pervert with a heart.”
13. “I’ve got 99 problems, but a dominant billionaire ain’t one.”
14. “I don’t need a prince, I need a kinky billionaire.”
15. “I don’t need a white knight, I need a dark knight.”
16. “I’m not a submissive, I’m a creative negotiator.”
17. “I don’t need a contract, I need a prenup.”
18. “I’m not a masochist, I’m just really good at taking one for the team.”
19. “I don’t need an elevator, I need a sex dungeon.”
20. “I don’t need a red room of pain, I need a green room of pleasure.”
21. “I don’t need a safe word, I need a panic button.”
22. “I don’t need a dom, I need a therapist.”
23. “I don’t need a whip, I need a hug.”
24. “I don’t need a flogger, I need a friend.”
25. “I don’t need a spanking, I need a snack.”
26. “I don’t need a ball gag, I need a beer.”
27. “I don’t need a playroom, I need a man cave.”
28. “I don’t need a contract, I need a checklist.”
29. “I don’t need a sub, I need a sandwich.”
30. “I don’t need a collar, I need a necklace.”
31. “I don’t need a butt plug, I need a bubble bath.”
32. “I don’t need a leather mask, I need a sleep mask.”
33. “I don’t need a crop, I need a carrot.”
34. “I don’t need a paddle, I need a pool.”
35. “I don’t need a candle, I need a flashlight.”
36. “I don’t need a spreader bar, I need a granola bar.”
37. “I don’t need a vibrator, I need a vacation.”
38. “I don’t need a clitoral stimulator, I need a career.”
39. “I don’t need a slave contract, I need a 401k.”
40. “I don’t need a dominant, I need a dog.”
41. “I don’t need a submissive, I need a subscription box.”
42. “I don’t need a BDSM scene, I need a scene from ‘The Office’.”
43. “I don’t need a sex swing, I need a porch swing.”
44. “I don’t need a nipple clamp, I need a nap.”
45. “I don’t need a corset, I need a cardigan.”
46. “I don’t need a gag, I need a glass of wine.”
47. “I don’t need a lingerie set, I need a onesie.”
48. “I don’t need a collar and leash, I need a leash-free park.”
49. “I don’t need a safeword, I need a help button.”
50. “I don’t need a dominant, I need a donut.”
51. “I don’t need a submissive, I need a subscription to Netflix.”
52. “I don’t need a BDSM contract, I need a lease agreement.”
53. “I don’t need a sex dungeon, I need a she-shed.”
54. “I don’t need a ball gag, I need a ball pit.”
55. “I don’t need a whip, I need a whisk.”
56. “I don’t need a spanking, I need a spa day.”
57. “I don’t need a collar, I need a choker necklace.”
58. “I don’t need a flogger, I need a feather duster.”
59. “I don’t need a crop, I need a carrot cake.”
60. “I don’t need a paddle, I need a pool noodle.”
61. “I don’t need a candle, I need a scented diffuser.”
62. “I don’t need a vibrator, I need a massager.”
63. “I don’t need a BDSM scene, I need a rom-com.”
64. “I don’t need a sex swing, I need a porch swing.”
65. “I don’t need a nipple clamp, I need a clothespin.”
66. “I don’t need a corset, I need a sports bra.”
67. “I don’t need a gag, I need a mute button.”
68. “I don’t need a lingerie set, I need a sweatsuit.”
69. “I don’t need a collar and leash, I need a retractable leash.”
70. “I don’t need a safeword, I need a pause button.”
71. “I don’t need a dominant, I need a diffuser.”
72. “I don’t need a submissive, I need a succulent.”
73. “I don’t need a BDSM contract, I need a contract with my therapist.”
74. “I don’t need a sex dungeon, I need a craft room.”
75. “I don’t need a ball gag, I need a bubble gum.”
76. “I don’t need a whip, I need a whisk(e)y.”
77. “I don’t need a spanking, I need a snack.”
78. “I don’t need a collar, I need a necklace.”
79. “I don’t need a flogger, I need a feather duster.”
80. “I don’t need a crop, I need a carrot.”
81. “I don’t need a paddle, I need a pool noodle.”
82. “I don’t need a candle, I need a scented diffuser.”
83. “I don’t need a vibrator, I need a massager.”
84. “I don’t need a BDSM scene, I need a rom-com.”
85. “I don’t need a sex swing, I need a porch swing.”
86. “I don’t need a nipple clamp, I need a clothespin.”
87. “I don’t need a corset, I need a sports bra.”
88. “I don’t need a gag, I need a mute button.”
89. “I don’t need a lingerie set, I need a sweatsuit.”
90. “I don’t need a collar and leash, I need a retractable leash.”
91. “I don’t need a safeword, I need a pause button.”
92. “I don’t need a dominant, I need a diffuser.”
93. “I don’t need a submissive, I need a succulent.”
94. “I don’t need a BDSM contract, I need a contract with my therapist.”
95. “I don’t need a sex dungeon, I need a craft room.”
96. “I don’t need a ball gag, I need a bubble gum.”
97. “I don’t need a whip, I need a whisk(e)y.”
98. “I don’t need a spanking, I need a snack.”
99. “I don’t need a collar, I need a necklace.”
100. “I don’t need a flogger, I need a feather duster.”
101. “I don’t need a crop, I need a carrot.”
102. “I don’t need a paddle, I need a pool noodle.”
103. “I don’t need a candle, I need a scented diff